I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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