If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
