i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
