i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
