There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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