i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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