"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize