when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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