if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
