Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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