Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
