we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize