So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
