look no pants
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
