booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
