So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
