I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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