I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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