I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
