Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
