so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
