hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
