do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
its liver damage thursday
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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