Plan B is the new Plan A
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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