you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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