Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize