I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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