need another drink. this is the easiest way
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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