He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I intend to get homeless drunk
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
