Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
