Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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