my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
