I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
