sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
