They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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