Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
