The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
