He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
