there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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