Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
