If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize