wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
