I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
