Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
