I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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