I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
