Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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