I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize