So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
