Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize