He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
