Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
