You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
