My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
