Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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