Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
