yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
