So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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