oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
