theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
