I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
