i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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