oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
