I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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