I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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