While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
