After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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