I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She said her name was "party"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize