tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
