I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love having hate sex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
