well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
