hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
